by Fiona Brown
Why is it that some parts of our life feel like a chore? Things that should be easy or require little effort are often the most difficult to do. Even thinking about them can cause us to feel uneasy in the stomach, overwhelmed, look for distraction and excuses, and procrastinate. This can then lead to guilt for not getting them done on time, done half-heartedly, or not done at all.
We start off with the best of intentions and get involved in all sorts of ventures or activities or relationships but not always with enough thought going in to why we initially made that choice or why we continue with it. We do things because others are doing them, it’s fashionable, we think it’s expected of us, we guilt ourselves into it, or we feel there is no other option.
Let me share a couple of examples……..
Years ago I bought a gym membership. I lasted a few months and then I stopped going. Dollars wasted, guilt for not following through, and negative self-talk. Why did I join?…. because I had a stressful job and was looking for a physical way to clear my mind. It had nothing to do with getting into a better physical shape, I just didn’t quite realise that at the time. The young woman who signed me up couldn’t quite understand why I had no goals around physical fitness, weight, tone etc. I went to the gym. It worked. My mind became clear and as soon as I achieved that, wild horses could not have dragged me to the gym. I thought that I should be still turning up and doing the ‘gym thing’ but I had no desire whatsoever. I felt resistance. The reason I went to the gym, my ‘Why?’ had been achieved, but until I realised that I had an internal debate going on about why I should be going to the gym even when I didn’t want to. I acknowledged my ‘why’ and was happy with that. I stopped beating myself up and the resistance stopped.
I had a great friend. Our children were similar ages, we lived quite close, we were both nurses and had common interests and values. Several years later our children were in school, our own and our husbands’ jobs had changed, and we were both juggling being working mums, raising young families in a small town with no family support. We had a lot on our plate and had less and less time to catch up socially. One day I realised that my friend, let’s call her Nancy, rarely rang me just to catch up, but often to ask me a favour, usually to pick up her children and/or look after them. The favour was never returned. I felt less like a friend and more of an unpaid babysitter. I was starting to question our friendship, but I kept meeting her needs and saying yes because ‘that’s what friends do’. It started to take a toll on me and my family and I became resentful. This made me feel uneasy. I told myself I shouldn’t be feeling that way because she was a ‘good friend’. I wasn’t listening to my inner guidance. I started to question my ‘Why?’. Why are we friends? Why am I feeling resistance? Why should (or shouldn’t we) continue our friendship? Something needed to change. So as not to hurt my friend’s feelings I chose just to begin to slowly make myself unavailable and back away from regular contact. She had other friends to call on for help and we still caught up in a group occasionally. She was not aware of my plan to have time out from our friendship. My feelings of resistance went down and my ‘cup’ started to fill up. A few years later I was able to share this with her and she was very apologetic. I told her I felt it was time for us to be closer and she was very grateful.
Why is it that we continue to walk through life feeling resistance, doing yet complaining, and not doing anything about it. Sadly, many people are too ‘busy’ and don’t even draw breath for long enough to become aware of their feelings of internal resistance. This can often lead to illness, anxiety, stress, over-work, overwhelm and other problems.
Stopping, reflecting, and bringing yourself back to your ‘why?’ can give great insight into whether you are living in the flow of your life and living on purpose or whether you are on autopilot just going through the motions of day to day life.
Think about an aspect of your life. It may be social, sporting, work, relationships, other commitments. Are you happy with that area of your life? Are you achieving your ‘why’? Why do you do that thing, have that relationship or job, commit to that group? Is it congruent with your values, aspirations, purpose? If not, are you prepared to live in resistance or is it time to make a change? Picking up your oars and reducing resistance allows you to flow easily in the direction your best life. Are you ready to do that?
Fiona Brown would love to hear from you if you would like some guidance towards living a better life. Fiona specialises in Life Coaching, Hypnotherapy, NLP, Matrix therapies and Intuitive Energy Healing. Fiona operates from Wellness Centre Port Stephens every Wednesday and Thursday. Email Fiona.